Humbled

I read stories of dear people here at home and around the world who are suffering.  Struggling.  And I start to feel guilty.

Why not me?

Why am I allowed to do what I want to do, dream, work hard, organize our life, run, make plans, say prayers, serve.

It's not that my life has been absent of pain.

I have had some very painful times over the years, in my marriage, in my family, and I have seen dreams shatter.  Like when we couldn't have another baby.  Like when we lost a baby and our marriage was rocked to the core.  Like when we found out Emily has autism.  Like when I lost my sister.

And when a dream has been shattered it is difficult.  It stinks.  It really hurts.  And the pain seems it will never go away.  And part of that pain never does go away.

But God....

God in His great mercy....

Heals. 

Shows us new dreams.

Moves us from our most painful times into a place of hope, joy, awe.

And I wonder, I marvel at how great God is.  How He cares for us, not because of anything we have done, but because He loves us.  And I marvel at His great works, His great plans that are so much bigger, so much better than our own.

I think about how much I would have missed out on if I had stayed in my grief.  People I would not have in my life because I chose to stay hurt when I did not get what I had planned. 

The blessings that have come through a stronger and deeper relationship with my husband.  Seeing how God has opened his heart...

the blessings that have come through growing our family through adoption.    

If you are in the middle of suffering, I do not pretend to take on your pain.  I do not say I understand.  But I am sad with you.  And I agree with you that it sucks!  It really does.  And I wish it wasn't happening.

And I pray that you are comforted.  And even WHEN you stumble, you do not forget who holds your hand. (Psalm 37:24)