Standing on the shore

I feel like a kid on the beach right now. 

As the waves recede I hop out to the water chirping in excitement,

but as I see the waves start to come my way again, I scram back to the safe, dry sand,

wide eyed and shrieking in fear.

This is pretty much how I feel.

In the early morning...

when the kids are sleeping and my day has barely started, 

I raise my head, pray and thank God for being strong and I feel like we can conquer anything together. 

But then the waves come crashing up to me

(school, work, adopting 4 at one time, sometimes just waking up a teenager) 

and I want to run for the hot sand.

(and maybe bury my head in it for a while).

I have so many things swimming around in my head right now. 

Still waiting for approval. 

Praying for nothing but approval. 

Hoping it will be this week. 

And Lord willing,

we get approval,

I will run out to the water inviting everyone with me to enjoy it

and I will just feel ecstatic.

Then...

I'll start to see what's coming

and my eyes will widen at the glorious monstrous waves coming toward the shore

and I will retreat again.

The Lord is so good.

I've been praying I Thes 3:11, memorizing it in Spanish and English...

May God Himself, our Father and the Lord Jesus, make a way for us to come to you.  Que Dios mismo, nuestro Padre y nuestro Senor Jesus, despejen el camino para ir a verlos.

 

We are literally seeing Him work out details for us that will help us in the coming months when we travel to Colombia. 

Things we didn't even consider. 

He's like...done. 

I got you covered.

Thank you, Lord.

The past several days as I have been praying for approval...for favor... for what is coming...

MERCY

comes to mind.

Only by His mercy are we at this place. 

Only by His mercy can we face tomorrow.

Mercy and truth belong to those who devise good.

Proverbs 14:22

My Hope is in You

Psalm 31:24

Be strong and take heart,

all you who hope in the LORD.

We recently heard from Colombia that they have reviewed our Dossier and need more information.  Thankful that this is the last piece they will need, but discouraged that this piece adds a couple months to our process.  And nervous that their decision hinges upon this piece.

Psalm 25:5

Guide me in your truth and teach me,

 for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

So I am reminded of Who is really in control.  My hope is not in ourselves to accomplish this task quickly. (although I hope we do).  My hope is not in ICBF--that they will give us favor. (although I hope they do).

Psalm 62:5

Find rest,

O my soul,

in God alone;

my hope comes from him.

He is in control.  Our task is only to follow Him each step.  To say yes and walk by faith.  He holds the future.   

Romans 12:12

Be joyful in hope,

patient in affliction,

faithful in prayer.

And if He closes the door at any point, let us honor Him.  He loves these kids more than we do.  He cares for them more than we do.  And He has led us to this point and would not leave us alone in our grief.

Psalm 52:9

I will praise you forever for what you have done;

in your name I will hope,

for your name is good.

I will praise you in the presence of your saints.

I wake up....my first prayer is "I need You."  Throughout the day this prayer comes out of my mouth just as easily as I exhale.  I NEED You.  I heard someone recently say, "Let's live a life that doesn't just include God, but one that requires God."

Psalm 71:5

For you have been my hope,

O Sovereign LORD,

my confidence since my youth.

Thank you, Lord, for you are good.  Thank you for your love, your provision, your truth. 

My hope is in You

She's 13 today!

I officially have a teenager in the house.

Really??

I can't believe it!

Happy Birthday, Emily!

You are a gift.

You make me smile.

You make me LAUGH!

You are a treasure.

I love you.

I love to see the girl God is making you to be.

13

wow!

Diet is a four letter word

So how are we doing with our diet?

(I tried calling it an "eating plan" but that did not last long.

We all call it "the diet")

I can sum up week one in a few words:

cutting
chopping

cooking

cleaning

cranky

cravings

crazily reading labels

crying

repeat multiple times a day

One of the hardest parts has been the constant crankiness, cravings, and crying. 

I don't know who is worse--me or the other 4 people I live with.

Week 2 is just like week 1 but I got just a tad faster at the chopping, cooking, and cleaning.

I was not as cranky,

turned a corner on the cravings,

and I only cried once.

(maybe twice)

I started a compost pile

and talked to my mom about helping me plan a garden.

(I'm kind of scared to look at my grocery bill so far this month).

We are making it.

Although leaving the house is always a challenge.  We had a road trip the first week and stopped at Buc-ee's--
big mistake.

We could not get ONE THING at Buc-ee's.
 not a thing
(already had apples and melons in the car)

Savannah started crying as we were leaving and yelled,
"CAN'T WE JUST BUY SOME CHEETOS?!?!"

Tonight was the first night the kids really gobbled up dinner--Day 16.

I made Texas Chili (secret ingredient was pumpkin), sweet potato chips, and BBQ Chicken Wings.

I have done a lot with sweet potatoes---pancakes, cookies, fries, chips, and just plain baked.

They are not Wesley's favorite.

Funniest thing so far is that one night Emily asked if we could have french onion dip.  I started thinking about how I could make it with ingredients we can have and I began thinking out loud,

"Maybe..."

Wesley quickly interrupted, "Please don't add sweet potatoes!"

Cuttin' Up

Okay I haven't been here in a while because I've been

cuttin' up

stuff.

February 1st was the first day of our new eating plan.  It's called the Spectrum Balance Protocol Diet and we are committed to it for the entire month. 

(much, I mean MUCH to the chagrin of my children) 

This is what they thought of the food list

It's similar to the Paleo Diet you might have heard of but with some small differences. 

Since we started 3 days ago, I have been in the kitchen cutting up stuff for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks in between! 

You do not realize how hard this is for me.

  I have realized two things in the past 72 hours...

1) I need new knives. (not exactly what I had in mind for my birthday)

and

2) I had no idea how easy my "processed" life was.

When I say processed, I mean 9 times out of 10, I could pour something out of a box or can and add liquid.

not.even.kidding

So this feels like the hardest thing I have ever done.

(I am sure it's not,

my memory is not great,

but after 28,

oh, wait, 29 days

of this,

my memory should be better).

Emily is addicted to carbs and sugars (don't know where she gets it from) so the first day was really bad.  She kept going to the pantry which now looks like this

Those plastic crates used to hold bread and chips.

And the shelf was full of cereal and crackers and microwave popcorn and hot chocolate mix.....

and slamming the door again, crying for chocolate.

(I finally locked the pantry door)

She was going through withdrawal so we examined the food list again to see if there was something she could have that simulated a dessert.

Brown sugar.

So I gave her 3 tablespoons which she ate

plain

rather scornfully.

Wesley tried it with a little honey (also on the list)

That smile did not last long.

So we have almost finished day 3 with 26 more to go. 

(haven't committed beyond February

yet)

I'll let you know.

=)

God is Wiser

Christine is our interpreter in Rwanda. 

We absolutely have grown to love her and her sweet family dearly! 

One afternoon we got to visit Acres of Hope and as we were driving the bumpy road and passing a pumpkin vine, Christine shared this story....

A man was picking pumpkins and pondering how such a large fruit could grow on such a small vine.  Later he walked down the street and looked up and saw small clusters of fruit growing on a large tree.  He wondered why would such a large tree produce such a small fruit and why such a small vine on the ground would produce such a large pumpkin.  As he tired that day, he sat under the fruit tree and a cluster of fruit fell on his head as the wind blew.  And he thought, "God is wiser."

Why go?

This is the question I have gotten in the past and have asked myself.  Why go all the way to Rwanda for just 10 days when it cost so much money?  Wouldn't it be better just to send that money to help cover school fees, medical care, and food for the orphans?

God answered that question again and again as we just spent the last couple weeks loving the orphan in Rwanda.

He first answered it through Mike. 

(on the right)

Mike started Ten Talents International in Rwanda which is a program that helps children stay in their families through sponsorship and provides a home for boys who used to live on the streets.

Mike shared that as the only person in his family who became a Christian at a young age, he grew up not knowing what a christian looked like.  It wasn't until he was a young adult and found a church that he saw how a christian lived.

For the boys at the Home of Innocence, some of them lost their families during the genocide and so they have never had a family.   They do not know what a mom and dad is supposed to look like.  What living in a family is like. 

They don't even know what to hope for.

So Mike shared that when we come, these boys SEE a family.  They see a husband and wife, a mom and dad and it gives them a picture of what to hope for as they grow up and someday start their own families.

Why go?

We spent one afternoon sitting in the living room at the Home of Innocence sharing stories of our lives with one another.  We listened to the stories of about 20 boys and young men.  They listened to our story.  When asked of them, "What is your favorite part about having teams come visit?"

They responded without hesitation,

"Knowing you."

Why go?

This question was answered in a little girl named Shema and her single mother.  Shema is the sponsor child of Jeff and Marissa Anderson through Compassion International.  Jeff and our team was able to meet Shema and her mother one afternoon.  Jeff brought them pictures and gifts for both of them from his family.  She showed him her school, their small home, and the goat the Anderson's had bought for them last year.

Shema's mother is HIV positive.  She has no husband and no other family.  Their home was very small, dark, and empty. 

She told Jeff,

"Thank you for coming.  Seeing your love and care for us gives me HOPE."

Money given to this family for school fees, food, and a goat provided much needed help, but it was Jeff's visit that gave them hope and light to their darkness.



Why go?

Michael Jr answered this question for us one evening over dinner.  Michael (we call him Michael Jr at times) lost his family in the genocide and he now lives with Mike and Lisa McColm as their son.  As a young boy he lived in a home much like the Home of Innocence.  He remembers teams coming to visit from America.  We asked him what he thought about the teams and this is what he shared...

"I couldn't believe they would come so far and bring us gifts.  They could have easily stayed where they were, but they didn't.  I felt like I did not deserve it.  When I would ask them about their jobs and they would tell me they worked for some big bank or something, I could not believe it.  Because no one living in Rwanda who had a similar job would ever talk to me.

When they left, it was like the worst feeling.  You knew you would probably never see them again and the feeling that you had when they were here.  I cried.  But knowing that they came to give glory to God also made me want to be closer to God."

(Michael Jr in the middle)



Why go?

Jesus said when you do it for the least of these, you do it for me.  His heart beats for the fatherless.  We go to feed Him, clothe Him, but most importantly,

to know Him more.