One year later

 August 2011

when we first met

Lots has happened since we took that first picture. 

What I think about when I think about the year we went through the adoption process:

paperwork, training, preparation, God's provision. 

Jeremy said it best when he said

we trained for a 5K but we are running a marathon.

Nothing can completely prepare you.

But if you are in this part, you are in the adoption process, you are waiting, you are longing for that child, you are praying for them, you are reading everything, and you are missing them when you look in your rearview mirror and see an empty carseat, an empty bed, an empty chair at your table....

keep praying, keep reading, keep longing

and remember that

when you bring them home.

August 2012

gotcha day

I cannot fully explain all that has happened between these two pictures. 

And you probably don't want to hear it. 

What do I think about when I think about our first year together?

Refinement, exhaustion, blessing, grief.

July 2013

together almost a year

Grief because everybody--all 9 of us--grieve in some way the loss of what used to be.  

Nothing is the same for any of us.

Blessing because....we are blessed.  

Hearts transformed (my heart).  

Lives changed (my life).  

Jesus Christ is God with us.

Exhaustion....really....7 kids....what more is there to say?

Refinement.

This one is still in progress.

And it's painful (for me).

 

Conforming to the image of His Son.

Being transformed. 

 This is not a peaceful process.

Never in my life before have I ever been so aware of my need of Him.

Before adding 4 more kids I think I thought I was handling things pretty well.

I could handle things and I didn't need much.

Now, I can't.  I can't handle things.

I totally depend on Him.

Never before was my weakness so evident.

Now it is in my face every day.

IN.MY.FACE.

His power made perfect in my weakness means something new to me.

I understand that more fully.

Because I experience it everyday, sometimes moment by moment.

And it does not always look good, folks.

Sometimes I fight to maintain control, 

but the truth is I pretty much stink at being in control 

and should not be trying so hard.  

Control is not my goal anymore.

Clinging to Him is my goal.

Holding on for dear life.

 

Because when I am frantic about holding on,

I keep my eyes fixed on the right thing.

I stop worrying about my reputation...

my image...

and if everyone will grow up and move out in a timely manner.

:-)