Just in case you were wondering why I don't come here often.
It's because my friends were right! Teenagers are hard. I am still exhausted. And those same friends are telling me, "Just wait until they are in their 20's. You still worry. You just trade your worries for different worries." So I am kindly telling my friends to "Shut up!"
Another reason I haven't come by here much is because I have been doing some work the last 6 months. Not the kind of work I get paid for, but the kind of work that I hope will pay off in the long run.
I have been (and still am) in the process of figuring out why I do what I do--in regard to relationships....with my husband, with my kids, with my family and friends.
Why are my buttons my buttons?
What is shaping the decisions I make with how I parent?
I started thinking about these questions over a year ago and a friend recommended a book How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich as a place to start exploring.
This is hard work. Finding the answers to these questions is hard because it requires looking back. Not just looking back, but telling my story--the good, the bad, and all the in-between--so that I can fully accept, forgive, take joy in, and feel sorrow....and be covered in God's grace as I live today and look ahead.
Why? Why do this? Isn't life hard enough? Isn't each day full enough? Why make it harder?
I started this
I want them to be able to give and receive.
I want them to be able to express a wide range of emotions (they are kinda good at that already--even within 1 hour of the day).
...But do it in appropriate ways.
I want them to be able to ask for help when they need it.
I want them to be able to set boundaries.
I want them to be able to have fun and play.
I want them to be able to handle conflict and negative emotions.
I want them to understand their strengths and weaknesses.
I want them to be comfortable in new situations.
I want them to be able to take risks.
I want them to be able to delay gratification.
When they are upset, I want them to be able to seek help and comfort.
Milan and Kay call that person a "Secure Connector." You might remember from the Child Development course you took in college that this person has a "Secure Attachment."
That's where I want to head. That's why I am doing this. It's not perfect and I don't have a perfect history, but they say it's worth it and I am believing that it is.
I might share a few things I am learning along the way.