Are we there yet?

When my kids were babies and I was exhausted, my friends who had teens told me, "Just wait."  Now my babies are teens and 3 years ago (almost) we added more to the mix so I have 4 teenagers and 3 more coming up. 

Just in case you were wondering why I don't come here often.  

It's because my friends were right!  Teenagers are hard.  I am still exhausted.  And those same friends are telling me, "Just wait until they are in their 20's.  You still worry.  You just trade your worries for different worries."  So I am kindly telling my friends to "Shut up!"

Another reason I haven't come by here much is because I have been doing some work the last 6 months.  Not the kind of work I get paid for, but the kind of work that I hope will pay off in the long run.

I have been (and still am) in the process of figuring out why I do what I do--in regard to relationships....with my husband, with my kids, with my family and friends.

Why are my buttons my buttons?

What is shaping the decisions I make with how I parent?

I started thinking about these questions over a year ago and a friend recommended a book How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich as a place to start exploring. 

This is hard work.  Finding the answers to these questions is hard because it requires looking back.  Not just looking back, but telling my story--the good, the bad, and all the in-between--so that I can fully accept, forgive, take joy in, and feel sorrow....and be covered in God's grace as I live today and look ahead.

Why?  Why do this?  Isn't life hard enough?  Isn't each day full enough?  Why make it harder?

I started this mess journey thinking about my kids.  How can I lead them to a place I haven't been myself? 

I want them to be able to give and receive. 
I want them to be able to express a wide range of emotions (they are kinda good at that already--even within 1 hour of the day). 
...But do it in appropriate ways. 
I want them to be able to ask for help when they need it. 
I want them to be able to set boundaries. 
I want them to be able to have fun and play. 
I want them to be able to handle conflict and negative emotions. 
I want them to understand their strengths and weaknesses. 
I want them to be comfortable in new situations. 
I want them to be able to take risks. 
I want them to be able to delay gratification. 
When they are upset, I want them to be able to seek help and comfort.

Milan and Kay call that person a "Secure Connector."  You might remember from the Child Development course you took in college that this person has a "Secure Attachment."

That's where I want to head.  That's why I am doing this.  It's not perfect and I don't have a perfect history, but they say it's worth it and I am believing that it is.

I might share a few things I am learning along the way.