Lessons from my East African Sister

I found this draft that I had started in April 2018 on my blog. I don't know why I never posted it--probably just got interrupted by the daily busyness and never got back to it. This was written when we shared our home with a family of 7 for 11 months...

I don't know what it's like to be black

I called a friend to ask for prayer and catch up. When I asked her "how are you?" Her answer came slowly and cautiously, "It's been rough the past few weeks." 

Pause.

I waited and then urged her to tell me more. Throughout the rest of our call and the rest of the day I realized...

I don’t know what it’s like to be black. I don’t know what it feels like for race, discrimination and biases to be a huge part of my life. I don’t know what it’s like to experience hurtful comments and emotional injuries to my personhood in every aspect of my life—my neighborhood, my church, my job, my school, my ministry, my travel--because of the color of my skin. I don’t know what it is like to navigate this with my black children.

I know there are many injustices, but I don’t know what it feels like, as a black woman, when racial injustice gets lumped together with all the other sins and nothing changes, nothing is dealt with, and it is dismissed.

I don’t know what it feels like to live uncomfortable. To be on edge and afraid to travel--especially at night. I don’t know what it is like to ignore, to look past it, and fix my face when comments are made and looks are given because I am black. I don't know what it's like to tell one of my kids to "fix your face" when someone has just hurt them.

I don’t know what it’s like to be black.

My friend does. She shared these things. This is just one small glimpse into her world. This may not be every black person's story, but it is hers. And I am undone. She is my friend and I had no idea. I'm so sorry for that.

 

I look at the news and I know I cannot change the world and make all of these painful things go away. So I turn to my friend and ask her, how can I love you?

Reach out, check in, be normal, be a friend.

Talk and ask questions.

Be willing to be uncomfortable.

That’s a start.

When a hurricane feels more like a whirlwind

When Hurricane Harvey was on the radar, we did not anticipate the devastation it would cause in our area.  I was expecting some rain and strong winds but nothing catastrophic.  It wasn't until they cancelled school for the Friday and Monday BEFORE Harvey even hit, that we decided to leave town.
The Ngogas had just gotten to Texas a few days before and I was not about to introduce my East African friends who spent the last 2 years in the desert in California to a hurricane!  And the thought of being cooped up in the house with 14 people, including a kid and a dog who are terrified of thunderstorms, for 4 DAYS with possibly no power, was not gonna happen.
So we gathered ourselves and secured the cats we left behind and drove off into the beautiful sunset of Blanco, Texas.

As Harvey poured on Houston we got comfortable at Aunt Jan's ranch for the weekend.  Surprisingly, bands of rain and cooler temps followed us to Blanco but it did not stop the kids from enjoying the pool while we were there.

Traveling with this many people could be overwhelming.  I don't even plan vacations for my party of 9 much less a party of 14.  Unpredictable days, being out of routine, and anxiety over what's happening back at home are a recipe for disaster for some of my crew.

But again, what could have been awful

turned out to be awesome.

Taking one day at a time, cooking together...

eating together...

spending time playing and resting...

...away from home was actually just the right thing for our families to bond as we were all new to one another.

The weekend passed and news showed terrible flooding all across the Houston area.  We had family and friends checking on the cats and the house and thankfully water was not getting close.  Not sure we would be able to get home, and hearing school was cancelled the rest of the week, we decided to take our party north that Monday.  

We headed to Dallas but not without making a stop along the way.  We stopped in to see Katerin who had just started classes a few days before at UMHB.  AND turns out Christine had friends in Belton too -- a family from Rwanda!  We met Bernadette and her family and found out Bernadette was also attending UMHB and had a class with Katerin.

Katerin meets the Ngogas

New friends in Belton

It's no small task to host our families, and if you tell me "come visit" you need to be prepared because we might take you up on it.  It's too expensive to get hotel rooms and eat out much with this many so if we travel, it is usually to see family or friends.  
As we headed to friends in Dallas, we learned that the Ngogas had more friends close to our destination--Another family that had moved from California as well, so to make it easier on our hosts, some of the kids went with Christine and some of the kids went with us.  All this time, Christine's husband is stranded in California trying to get the rest of their things moved.  

Thankfully, we were well taken care of!

touring Dallas

We love the Curry's!

Jeremy turned 40 something while we were gone

KFC on our way home!

Hurricane Harvey felt more like a whirlwind for us as we stayed away for a few days....watching the news, getting to know one another, depending on friends to help us.  We were very grateful to come home to a dry house, but that was not so for many living close to us.   
We met one more family that week that were friends of the Ngogas.  This family was just 20 minutes away and had also moved to Texas from California.  Their house flooded during Harvey and some of our kids were able to help clean out their house during the days school was cancelled. 

Friends

One thing I am so grateful for through this whirlwind is friends.  Friends to travel with, friends that stayed and checked on the cats, friends that generously hosted our families--some new and some old.  This could have been a terrible, horrible, no good very bad trip, but because of our friends, we got through it with smiles.

And because of Harvey, we began sharing suppers every night with the Ngogas.  The first days the Ngogas were in Texas, we were both trying to be careful to give each other their space.  But it felt kind of awkward and hard to discern.  After Harvey and sharing EVERY meal together those days we traveled, it just happened naturally that we continued to come together for supper.  And we are glad for that! 

 

National Siblings Day

Last week I saw friends posting pictures of their siblings and I did not get to it on time. National Siblings Day came and went and I didn't post anything about mine--but neither did they so we are cool.  :)
Don't get me wrong, I love my siblings...but instead of digging up an old photo of us as kids, I want to tell you about my sister Christine! 

Christmas Day 2017

Christine and her family live in our barn.  Well, we call it the barn but it is our old garage transformed into a small apartment.  We started transforming it about a year ago and at the same time, Christine contacted me to tell me they were moving to Texas and were looking for a place to rent. 

We insisted they stay with us.

So this beautiful family of 7 moved into the barn August 17th just a few days before Hurricane Harvey.  (How we endured, or rather, escaped Harvey will be another post!)

I am grateful for how we share our lives, families, meals, carpool, walks, prayers, and faith with each other. Christine, you are a gift. 

Our friendship began almost 8 years ago in Rwanda...

Rwanda 2010

Christine was our translator on our mission trips to Rwanda in 2010 and 2011.  She has quite a story to tell of how her family came to the States and all the adventures they have had the past 6 years, and maybe she will do that one day here.

For now I want to share how our lives intersect.

Some people wonder how we are doing with our families living so closely, so the truth is....we are abundantly blessed. 

It is awesome!

I don't take that for granted.  I know this could be really bad.  But by God's grace our families are better because of one another.  Isn't that amazing?  4 adults and 12 kids--different cultures, different colors, different backgrounds, yet we live in community with one another, sharing, learning, and helping each other.

By God's grace our families are better because of one another.  

Maybe it's because her kids are not annoying.  Haha!  You know if you opened your home to friends you would fear the same thing!  They are actually quite sweet, respectful, kind and loving.  I know this would be much harder if our kids did not get along, and if I had to worry about how they behaved or what they talked about.  But I love how her kids are rubbing off on all of us.  We could all use a good dose of kindness.

Supper--I think I have hinted on my blog how dinner time can be difficult.  With picky eaters, some getting easily annoyed, some dominating the conversation, we would not make sitting together at the table a priority.  It kinda ruined the rest of my night.
But with the Ngogas, we share suppers every night.  Christine takes 3 or 4 meals a week and I take 3 or 4 meals a week.  What I love is that I can enjoy dinner at the table again.  My kids may not appreciate our meals together for years but I believe this is the kind of thing that is impacting us in some ways we don't know yet.

I don't know how long we will get to live like we do--together--but I am grateful for each day we have.  I am learning some lessons from my East African sister that I don't want to forget--a few I will share here in the coming days/weeks.  And the memories we are making are changing us.