Lessons from my East African Sister

I found this draft that I had started in April 2018 on my blog. I don't know why I never posted it--probably just got interrupted by the daily busyness and never got back to it. This was written when we shared our home with a family of 7 for 11 months...

One Summer Update

Dear Family and Friends,

First, I want to start with an apology for taking so long to update you about my summer and what God did during my time overseas. Second, I want to thank you so much for your spiritual and financial support throughout this journey. And finally, I am blessed to have you in my life and the encouragement that you have provided in my faith. This past summer has been one of the most difficult yet most rewarding summers that I have gone through. It was difficult leaving my family and friends here in the States, and even more difficult to leave Colombia and my birthfamily after a few days visit. Yet in the midst of it all, God provided comfort and peace through His word. I went overseas with many different emotions, and I did not know what to expect. During the beginning of my trip, I struggled with the idea that my birthfamily did not know the Lord, and I also missed them as well. Even though I needed to figure out all these emotions, it was important for me to put them aside so I could fully take my summer trip in.

Every international trip that I have taken in the past I have been the leader. I would be the one that knew the spoken language and culture. I was always the one that people leaned on, and I have always loved it. However, when I got to Central Asia, all that changed. I had to become teachable and dependent on others. I had to learn, adapt, and understand a new language, culture, and way of living. It was hard to depend on others, but I was able to learn a lot.

Here are some interesting things that I learned:

Where I visited, two languages were spoken. Neither of them I know. Therefore, the only way that I could communicate at the beginning of the trip was through a smile. Well, that was not effective either. When I smiled at women, they would not smile back, but when I smiled at men, they would take it as flirting. After a week there, I finally realized that I had been flirting with every man in the city. Yay me. I was very shocked when my mentor told me about this because the only way that I had been able to communicate was through a smile, and now that was taken away. Another thing that I learned was that you will always be out of your comfort zone in the mission field. When I was there, I told myself to get out of my comfort zone, but the thing was that I already was. I did not have the control to be in my comfort zone in a place where I did not know the culture or language. Here in the States, we have control of whether or not to get out of our comfort, yet we choose to be in our little bubble. It is something we never think about.

We always talk about the missionaries that are jailed or killed because of their faith, but we never talk about the missionaries that struggle every single day. Here in the States, we think that missionaries are telling every single person about Christ and that many are coming to Christ. That would be nice, but in reality, it takes so much more than sharing Christ. I was able to watch the missionaries during my time overseas and it opened my eyes to missions. They had to adjust to a new culture, language, and beliefs. They built relationships for years, made a living, and did daily things that take more work compared to doing them in the States. Some missionaries are in a place for years and see no one come to Christ. Not only do these missionaries go to a new country, but they leave the people and places that they love behind. During all these things, they carefully share Christ through their actions, words, deeds, and more.

After seeing what I saw overseas, I still want to follow where God is calling me. I know for sure God is calling me to international missions. After seeing how hard it will be, I still want to go. Yes, sometimes I think God is crazy, but He is by my side. All that I am doing is not about me, it is about the One who died for me and I get the opportunity to share His testimony.

God is doing amazing things through my life, and I cannot wait to see what is next. Thank you for your support and for taking the time to read this. If you want more specific stories, please let me know 😊

Please pray for the missionaries, the people, and the governments in Central Asia.

Blessings,

K

Not just a bag of oranges

A cool thing happened yesterday. When I was making my kids lunches I put the last orange in Omar's lunch box and thought, "I'm not going to the store until tomorrow so Omar won't have oranges in his lunch tomorrow." Insert disappointed emoji.

I wrote it on my list and that was it.

My friend Jean has brought us a couple meals lately.
 
Just because.
 
I'm not pregnant and nobody died but she has brought me two meals in the last couple weeks.  (So grateful! That's being the church.)

She brought us a meal yesterday – – chili, Fritos, cheese, brownie-cookies, and guess what else… 

a bag of oranges!

When I saw the bag in her hand I just smiled. 

Really God? Really?

Who brings a bag of oranges when you bring somebody a meal? I have never brought anybody a bag of oranges when I brought a meal.

I just smile every time I see the oranges. God is so sweet.  Just a little reminder that He is real and cares about the small things.

Prayer for The Body

More on how adoption changes everything is to come, 

but I wanted to jot down something that's been on my mind.

Have you ever read Scripture and it stops you in your tracks?  

Like you stop and think, is HE talking about me?  To me?

That's how I felt the other day when I came across Ezekiel 33:30-33.  As I reread it I still feel a knot in my stomach and my heart sink. 

I read that and I wonder if that is us?  

Do we go to church and listen to a lovely song 

and feel good as we watch a beautiful musical performance 

and with our mouths speak love 

but our hearts are pursuing our own gain?  

Do we sit before our pastors and hear their words each week,

but do not put into practice what we hear?

I don't want that to be us.

A few days after coming across these verses, I read Acts 9:31.

 

I was so encouraged that I kept coming back to this verse 

and began praying it for me and for our church.

Peace, edified, fear of the Lord, comfort of the Holy Spirit, multiplied.

 Will you pray with me?

the prayers of one

A lot of people are praying for us.  

Thank you!!

Some take the time to remind me.  

For you I am grateful 

and your reminder often comes 

right when I need it.

One does something extraordinary 

to let me know how she is praying for us.

This overwhelms me with gratitude.

She gives me an envelope each week full of seasonal cards.
(yes. cards she....what do you call it....cuts out.  Those are not the words I am looking for but I am not craftsy and can't remember the term.)

And she writes a brief prayer and puts the date.  

She remembers us everyday.

I thought I would share how God is answering some of those prayers...

 God is so good!  It is awesome to see how He is drawing us to Himself and to see Him working in each heart.

Victory--Battles rage for our souls and the enemy wants to devour, but I am seeing my child choose to abide in His Spirit and continue to win.  

Healing--whether I leave for a few hours for a date night or for a weekend retreat, one child greets me with, 
"You came back?"

I am always surprised by his question 
and saddened at why he is asking it.

Yes, I came back.  I'm not leaving you.

This is a continual prayer that God would meet needs I can't meet and fill in all the places that I am not enough.

I saw this happen in a tangible way as we went to Winter camp with church and each of my bigs had godly leaders and new friends pour into them and listen to them.

I love seeing this prayer answered as my man shifts from working so much at night to being present with us--doing dishes, homework, taking to practices, tucking in bed--quite a miracle really.

 Seeing miracles here too.  15 months ago I watched two girls fight, misunderstand one another, despise the other.

Now they share a room by themselves.  They have similar interests, they laugh, play around, and talk.

MIRACLES PEOPLE.

 grace.

On days that I am particularly aware that I need grace, I extend it to my kids.  We had a really rough morning recently where one child blew it, I blew it and they left in tears and I fell in tears.

I surprised them with Chick-fil-A at school that day. We all needed grace and to give grace.

(eat mor chikin')

 Surprisingly, we have had more peaceful school mornings since that day. :)

I have noticed little things lately that make me wonder at Him--

the hawk that visits our backyard daily

 light snow (ice)

about this much

not this much

and friendship

hope.  

I do have hope.  

I don't have enough time or pictures to tell of all the ways God has moved in us.  I wonder about how it will be in Heaven when we hear myriads of myriads, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, "Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing."

Rev 5:11-12

One day all will be told.  

YAY for this one.  Jeremy is my favorite and we want and need time together.  The other night we had a date and he started it off by saying we couldn't talk about kids or work. 

So we didn't talk.

for a while.

Then we had fun "remembering when..." 

These cards I shared with you are just a drop in the bucket.  Revelation 5:8 says there are golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints.

We probably have taken up a whole bowl for ourselves with the prayers of so many of you.

Thank you.

And thank you, dear friend, for your daily reminders you give me faithfully.

Psalm 103:8

The Lord is compassionate...(Ps 103:8)

Our hardest struggle right now is merging two families into one.  I have more compassion for blended families now than ever before.  I am even saddened at how ignorant or complacent I have been in the past about the struggles close friends have had in their family transitions and how they had to walk that path with one less friend....me.

If you ask me, I have 7 kids.  If you ask some of my kids, they might tell you they either have 1, 2, or 3 siblings right now.  Everyone I talk to says it takes time.  You can't expedite this process.  You can't take short-cuts.  We have to live through it and have life experiences together.

....and gracious...(Ps 103:8)

God doesn't give us what we deserve.  He is full of grace.  I am understanding more of who God is as I parent, comfort, and coach this bunch.  How gracious HE is towards us as we have tantrums, bicker, and tear down one another in His family.

...Slow to anger....(Ps 103:8) 

Slow to anger.  I so miss this attribute in myself.  When I sigh, roll my eyes, respond hastily at one more thing....I am reminded at how God is slow to anger.  What would I do if He responded to me with sighs and frustration?  I wouldn't even be able to bear it.  And I stop myself in mid-sigh sometimes and pray to be more like Him.

....abounding in lovingkindness....(Ps 103:8)

Abounding--much, many, great, exceeding in lovingkindness.  If you asked any one of my kids to describe our days, I am pretty sure the feeling of "abounding in lovingkindess" would not be in their vocabulary.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. 

I pray I am more like Him.

We have no idea

We have no idea....

what all God is doing and going to do. 

 

That's actually from the Bible.

 

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—I Corinthians 2:9

 

I really believe that.

 

I feel like I have been hugged from behind

 

this week

 

from God.

 

How does that happen?  What does that look like?

I'm glad you asked!  But I have to give you a little back up info first--

I have REALLY been struggling about "school" since we have been home with our kids.  We kinda have a plan each week--I know we are focusing on language, math, reading, audiobooks. 

I have struggled because everyone needs me. 

Only one is mostly independent. 

I think if we had a reality show it would be called

 

All My Children....

Have Special Needs

So our day is VERY FLUID and I work alongside one while doing activities with another, then another, then another. 

And I don't feel like we get very much done. 

An hour plus passes (or two plus hours when we have interruptions, attitudes, and/or noncompliance) and we get through our stuff. 

Just a side note, our kids' initials spell KOWMESS when put together.  No joke.  When I see the vinyl stickers on the back windows of SUVs, some days I think about getting

 

KOWMESS

HAPPENS

put on the back of Big Blue. 

That's not a joke either.

I label that "stuff" as our "study time" on the wipey board every morning.  Once we make it through our stuff/studies once in the morning, we move on to other things and don't come back to it.  I know learning is taking place in the midst of laundry, meals, wii, laundry, errands, gymnastics, gamecube, laundry, and chasing Maddie home from the park because she got out.....................again.

But I feel like my kids need more than I can give when it comes to pushing them academically. 

So last weekend I put an email out to my homeschool moms group and asked for help.

 I don't always know when to ask for help though.  A few weeks ago, we had our first post-placement adoption interviews and Savannah woke up with an ear/eye infection.  I wasn't sure how to handle the day, and my sister-in-law texted me out of the blue asking to take a couple kids for the day to do school at her house.

That's a hug from God.

What a huge blessing--Marisa and Todd have no idea the impact they are making in our family and on my kids (I Cor 2:9 again) but they have continued to take 2-3 kids once or twice a week to help me out.

Two moms responded immediately to my email.  One mom doesn't even homeschool but offered her house, computers, and tutoring.  She already gave me a house key.  She has no idea (I Cor 2:9).

That's a hug from God.

Another mom emailed me today offering to take the kids to the park in the evenings to give me a little break.  And she invited us to their house for some "study time" with her boys tutoring my little boys and she helping with another one.  She has no idea (I Cor 2:9).

That's a hug from God.

This adjustment has been especially difficult for one of my kids so much so that we have needed extra support.  A counselor friend from church is coming along side helping that child grieve in a healthy way the loss of our old family.  SHE HAS NO IDEA (I COR 2:9).

THAT'S A HUG FROM GOD.

Another friend is taking two of my kids some each week and teaming them up with her kids so they can work on their Little Giant Steps program together.  What used to be such a difficult task for them is now fun and something they look forward to.  SHE HAS NO IDEA (I COR 2:9).

That's a hug from God.

So what am I learning from this?  Jeremy and I have looked at each other often and said, "There's no way we can do school at home....not long term.  There's just no way."  The thing that I am most struggling with, God is showing me there is a way.  We can't do it by ourselves.....at least not right now anyway.  His people, the Body of Christ, are coming along side us to help us do what we cannot do alone.

I'm doing Mindy Ferguson's pilot study on Moses right now and I filled out this chart this morning on what happened through the plagues in Egypt.  I saw with each plague how at first Aaron acts on behalf of Moses, then the Lord, and then by the 6th plague, Moses has the confidence and trust in God to carry out God's directions with boldness.  I feel like Moses right now in how he had so many objections at first to being the guy God had chosen, but God was gracious and affirmed patiently that Moses was the guy.

I have so many objections to homeschooling 7 kids right now--I don't want to do it, it doesn't always work, it's too hard, they need a better teacher, I need HELP right now.

So I have a lot of Aaron's around me to help.  And I am trusting God will graciously affirm what He wants for each of these kids in regard to school.

And the hugs I am getting right now feel like they come straight from Him. 

 

Dear Church,

I love you.  But I must write this letter because I am deeply grieved.  We have failed.  We come together each week and in our midst are families that are

D-Y-I-N-G.  

Wives are sitting next to husbands who have become their enemy and they cannot cry out because they have to go home with him.

And what will people think?

And what good does it do anyway?

Families are dissolving in our midst and we do nothing. 

Maybe we don't know them. 

Maybe we're scared,

inadequate,

we don't know what to say. 

But as we say nothing and do nothing,

couples collapse,

families dissolve.

Those that have courage to ask for help, for prayer, become numb by our silence.  They think maybe God's silence, our silence, is permission to quit.  Their marriage, their hopes, must be too difficult for God.  Their dreams for a thriving, godly union must be impossible.

But GOD says

Behold, I am the LORD,

the GOD of all flesh;

is anything too difficult for Me?

Jeremiah 32:27

Jesus says

With people it is impossible,

but not with God;

for all things are possible with God.

Mark 10:27

Dear Church,

dear brothers,

dear sisters,

IF you are at the end of your rope, you have tried everything, done everything, please know that I am crying out to God on your behalf.  Like Aaron and Hur who held up Moses' arms during the battle between Joshua and Amalek, and as his arms were held up, the Isrealites prevailed.  So it is as we hold you up, the Enemy will be defeated. (Exodus 17: 8-16)

You are not alone. 

We will no longer be silent.  Church, we MUST come beside our hurting brothers and sisters NOW.  Lives are at stake.  The Enemy is prevailing because we are not holding them up.

Brother, sister, I am praying that the arm, the mighty arm of God that stretched out the Heavens,

will hold your marriage together.  

And Church, I am praying that we become more like Jesus.  That we weep with those who weep, bring healing and hope, bear one another's burdens, and point one another to obedience to Christ.

Church, we don't need initials at the end of our name to be qualified to come along side these hurting families.  We don't pretend to have solutions, a step by step process guaranteed to work, interventions. 

BUT we have GOD!

OUR GOD IS GREATER!

MIGHTY IN POWER!

His Word is our Counselor!

God says

I will counsel you with My eye upon you

Psalm 32:8b
  

God is not silent

and we must no longer sit in silence

as marriages and families

dissolve

in our midst