One year later

 August 2011

when we first met

Lots has happened since we took that first picture. 

What I think about when I think about the year we went through the adoption process:

paperwork, training, preparation, God's provision. 

Jeremy said it best when he said

we trained for a 5K but we are running a marathon.

Nothing can completely prepare you.

But if you are in this part, you are in the adoption process, you are waiting, you are longing for that child, you are praying for them, you are reading everything, and you are missing them when you look in your rearview mirror and see an empty carseat, an empty bed, an empty chair at your table....

keep praying, keep reading, keep longing

and remember that

when you bring them home.

August 2012

gotcha day

I cannot fully explain all that has happened between these two pictures. 

And you probably don't want to hear it. 

What do I think about when I think about our first year together?

Refinement, exhaustion, blessing, grief.

July 2013

together almost a year

Grief because everybody--all 9 of us--grieve in some way the loss of what used to be.  

Nothing is the same for any of us.

Blessing because....we are blessed.  

Hearts transformed (my heart).  

Lives changed (my life).  

Jesus Christ is God with us.

Exhaustion....really....7 kids....what more is there to say?

Refinement.

This one is still in progress.

And it's painful (for me).

 

Conforming to the image of His Son.

Being transformed. 

 This is not a peaceful process.

Never in my life before have I ever been so aware of my need of Him.

Before adding 4 more kids I think I thought I was handling things pretty well.

I could handle things and I didn't need much.

Now, I can't.  I can't handle things.

I totally depend on Him.

Never before was my weakness so evident.

Now it is in my face every day.

IN.MY.FACE.

His power made perfect in my weakness means something new to me.

I understand that more fully.

Because I experience it everyday, sometimes moment by moment.

And it does not always look good, folks.

Sometimes I fight to maintain control, 

but the truth is I pretty much stink at being in control 

and should not be trying so hard.  

Control is not my goal anymore.

Clinging to Him is my goal.

Holding on for dear life.

 

Because when I am frantic about holding on,

I keep my eyes fixed on the right thing.

I stop worrying about my reputation...

my image...

and if everyone will grow up and move out in a timely manner.

:-)



rethinking holidays

Holidays are so hard. 

I kinda have a sigh of relief as we get through each "first" holiday. 

Our first Thanksgiving

(can you tell who was unhappy that day?)

 

Our first Christmas

 

Our first Easter

 

(I know I probably put too much pressure on myself to try and get family pics on these days but I plan, I hope, I want to make a book of our first year together...........some.........day...........when...........I........have..........nothing........else.........to..........do.)

With each holiday, I have to really think about why we do what we do.  Because with 4 new kids--from another country, another culture, with memories of birthfamily--everything is new and everything is different.  And I have to explain it all to them (why eggs? why stockings? what's in the Pistachio Salad and Turkey and Dressing???) 

It's new for my old kids too--I didn't unpack the old Christmas stockings they were used to, I didn't re-use the Easter baskets they have used the past 5 years.

I have had to rethink Santa Claus, Easter eggs, and even the tooth fairy for that matter.  It's almost like I get a "re-do" but not really because with the old ones in the mix, there's a balance of keeping some traditions and special things, and introducing new traditions and new special things. 

We can't do things like we have always done them because we are not who we used to be. 

 

We are new. 

All of us. 

We are redefining our whole family. 

That includes some grief over changes.  It includes some stress as we explain what is to be expected and as we decide what to let go of and what to weave into our new traditions.  I am looking forward to when we get past one year of birthdays and holidays. 

And I am trying to take some pictures and be thankful in the midst of it all.

Here are a few (to remind me of how blessed we are)

 Gotcha Day

 

 Touring Bogota

 

 brave friends who hosted us our first week home

 

Visiting the pumpkin patch

 

BIRTHDAYS

  

Readopt--YEA!

and Rodeo

yeeeeee-haw! 

Love you forever

I'll love you forever.

I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

 

Last night was a really sweet night.  We pulled out some special story books and read on the couch.  Before I finished Love You Forever I told Jeremy to grab the camera and get some pictures!

 

We don't often have moments like these.

 

We have seen some really good things happening this week--some prayers being answered.  Remember how I mentioned recently that our biggest challenge is merging 2 sibling groups into one?

 

ONE family.

 

One little thing that happened this week is that several of the kids played soccer together in the yard and didn't even fight.  Not one fight.

 

MIRACLES happening here.

 

 

And today they were back out there with Marian coaching Emily in the sport. 

They were out there over an hour and a half!!

 

I tell you

MIRACLES happening here.

 

Today I had to stop and take a picture on the side of the road of a

redbud blooming. 

 

I love it when the redbuds start to bloom!

That's a beautiful picture of hope.

In the midst of bare trees and cool temperatures we see splashes of Spring appearing.

 

Makes me look twice every time and every time I have

 

HOPE

renewed.

 

I don't know if the last couple of days have been just a fluke

or if we are really reaching a turning point,

but just like those redbuds blooming gives us hope of Spring,

my hope is renewed that we are becoming

ONE FAMILY.



Coming out of the fog

Everyday I hear those words....those 3 little words from each of my kids....

yo no fui

it wasn't me!

OH.those.words. Those words are a big reason I need to get a night out once in a while.

I spent time with some dear new friends recently.  All of us moms.  All of us in the midst of adoption--whether just beginning the process, waiting to bring home, or at home with new kids.  It was good to hear their stories and see their excitement.  Each one laughed and talked about how they had once said, "I'll never...." or "Lord, please don't ever ask me to...."

I NEEDED to hear them laugh about it.  I NEEDED to hear them tell why they are adopting again after being home with multiple adopted and biological children.  I NEEDED to laugh and to cry and ask for prayer.

yo no fui

it wasn't me

We have been together just over 5 months and I see how we have come a long way in some things, yet we are still a long way off from ever thinking about doing this again. ;-)

My kids are beautiful.  I mean really beautiful!  And I have such high hopes and dreams for them all.  But oh my goodness, LORD, help us make it through this day, this night, the next 5 minutes even.

So what have I learned in the last few months?

• It's no big deal.  If I make a big deal about a holiday, a food, anything, then it becomes MY big deal and they want no part of it.  It's not their big deal.  So we entered Christmas with low expectations and made no big deal of the food and presents.  They got presents.  We told them how many they would get, we paid attention to everyone's wish list, and if they were not grateful then we would take their presents back.  Christmas was rather nice.

• Things WILL get better.  Some things have already gotten better.  Time.  The experts are right when they say it takes time---there are no short cuts, no skipping ahead.  It takes time.  I am trying to notice the small things as time passes and give thanks. 

• I can never give too much TLC.  EVERYONE of us have hurts, discomforts, aches, pains.  Some of them are visible on the outside.  Some of them are just a plea for a tender touch or attention.  Some hurts will be buried for quite some time.  Regardless if the pain is real or just a way to get a little extra attention, I give the attention....even if it means rubbing regular ole' lotion on some bite or skin irritation I can't see or putting a band-aid on a freckle.  That TLC mends the heart and let's them know mom loves me, mom will take care of me, and I can go to her for anything I need.  Anything.

• C.H.O.C.O.L.A.T.E.  I always keep a stash of some kind of chocolate or sweet---that is just for me and my guy.  When the kids go to their bedrooms for the night or I am having a particularly tough day and need to put myself in time-out, I thank God for chocolate.  If you ever wonder how you can help and you may even ask me "How can I help you?"  Chocolate is an easy way to bless me!  I usually don't have an answer when someone asks how they can help me because that is such an overwhelming question.  But....Chocolate and Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha and Sonic Cherry Limeade and while I'm at it, My Signature Massage, are great gifts!! ;-) 

• Training--preferably before you get yourself into something like this.......is a good thing.  We learned a lot last year before we brought our kids home.  Since we have been together now over 5 months, I feel like I am coming out of the fog....a little.  That training--small nuggets here and there--are coming back to me.  It's really great when I put it to use! (Karyn Purvis and Mary Ring rock and are welcome to dinner anytime at my house!)

• The Word--chocolate and training are great, but all the Hershey bars and adoption books in the world will not REVIVE my soul like God's Word.  Have you read Psalm 23 lately?  It's loaded!  Many people have memorized that passage and it's quoted in books and movies all the time--even those who don't follow Christ are familiar with these verses.  Take a look:

 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
  He makes me lie down in green pastures.
 He leads me beside still waters.
  He restores my soul.
 He leads me in paths of righteousness
  for his name's sake.
 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
  I will fear no evil,
 for you are with me;
  your rod and your staff,
  they comfort me.
 You prepare a table before me
  in the presence of my enemies;
 you anoint my head with oil;
  my cup overflows.
 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
  all the days of my life,
 and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
  forever.
(Psalm 23 ESV)

I could highlight every line as I think about how He has worked. 

I love what my friend, Brandy, posted when she said that she hoped as others hear their story (His story) that they see what a mighty God we serve and how much He loves us! 

I hope you see that here as you stop by from time to time!

Christmas Card Poem 2012

Merry Christmas y'all!

 

 

Christmas cards are about to go out and all I did this year was put a little poem on the card and my blog address.  So I figured I better give a little update here.

 

 

When we came home in September, our plan was to stay home with the kids through this semester and decide in December what we would do for school.

 

We have decided!

 

And 5 out of 7 are going to school on MONDAY.

 

This past week, we met with the different campuses where they will all be and I am really pleased with each one.  Leading up to this decision, all I prayed was for complete affirmation and peace in our decision, whatever it may be.

 

I have COMPLETE AFFIRMATION AND PEACE with the decision we have made for each one. 

God is good.

 

And I will be real honest and tell you that my first phone calls to the schools were made solely for my sanity.  I feel like I have been sinking.  Sinking in clutter, work, lessons, parenting, personal Bible study (the lack thereof), and I am so tired.

 

I knew I would be exhausted, but now I am feeling that exhaustion. 

 

The second reason for those calls is the need for ENGLISH.  I am so thankful that my husband and I can communicate with each of our kids in their language and understand (most) of what they say to us,

 

but my brain hurts.

 

And I am thankful my old kids are learning Spanish and doing pretty good with the language.

 

My hope is that all of us will become bilingual.  The problem is my new kids are not forced to speak English at home.

 

So we're headed to school. 

 

And I'm hoping to work through the clutter, work, better parenting, studying my Bible, helping with homework,

 

without my brain hurting so much.

:-)

 

We have yet to be successful in getting a nice family picture made with nice clothes and everyone smiling.  The pj pictures I'm sharing here were the best ones and that's only because I popped popcorn and Jeremy and I kissed each other on the lips in front of the kids.

 

 

And in case you don't get a Christmas card from us, here is our poem....

 

One, Two….guess what’s new

Three, Four….we got four more!

Five, Six…..we’re quite a mix

Seven, Eight…God is great!

Nine………….That’s all—Merry Christmas!

Jeremy, Vanessa, Katerin, Emily, Marian,

Wesley, Omar, Saimon & Savannah

Psalm 103:8

The Lord is compassionate...(Ps 103:8)

Our hardest struggle right now is merging two families into one.  I have more compassion for blended families now than ever before.  I am even saddened at how ignorant or complacent I have been in the past about the struggles close friends have had in their family transitions and how they had to walk that path with one less friend....me.

If you ask me, I have 7 kids.  If you ask some of my kids, they might tell you they either have 1, 2, or 3 siblings right now.  Everyone I talk to says it takes time.  You can't expedite this process.  You can't take short-cuts.  We have to live through it and have life experiences together.

....and gracious...(Ps 103:8)

God doesn't give us what we deserve.  He is full of grace.  I am understanding more of who God is as I parent, comfort, and coach this bunch.  How gracious HE is towards us as we have tantrums, bicker, and tear down one another in His family.

...Slow to anger....(Ps 103:8) 

Slow to anger.  I so miss this attribute in myself.  When I sigh, roll my eyes, respond hastily at one more thing....I am reminded at how God is slow to anger.  What would I do if He responded to me with sighs and frustration?  I wouldn't even be able to bear it.  And I stop myself in mid-sigh sometimes and pray to be more like Him.

....abounding in lovingkindness....(Ps 103:8)

Abounding--much, many, great, exceeding in lovingkindness.  If you asked any one of my kids to describe our days, I am pretty sure the feeling of "abounding in lovingkindess" would not be in their vocabulary.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. 

I pray I am more like Him.

We have no idea

We have no idea....

what all God is doing and going to do. 

 

That's actually from the Bible.

 

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—I Corinthians 2:9

 

I really believe that.

 

I feel like I have been hugged from behind

 

this week

 

from God.

 

How does that happen?  What does that look like?

I'm glad you asked!  But I have to give you a little back up info first--

I have REALLY been struggling about "school" since we have been home with our kids.  We kinda have a plan each week--I know we are focusing on language, math, reading, audiobooks. 

I have struggled because everyone needs me. 

Only one is mostly independent. 

I think if we had a reality show it would be called

 

All My Children....

Have Special Needs

So our day is VERY FLUID and I work alongside one while doing activities with another, then another, then another. 

And I don't feel like we get very much done. 

An hour plus passes (or two plus hours when we have interruptions, attitudes, and/or noncompliance) and we get through our stuff. 

Just a side note, our kids' initials spell KOWMESS when put together.  No joke.  When I see the vinyl stickers on the back windows of SUVs, some days I think about getting

 

KOWMESS

HAPPENS

put on the back of Big Blue. 

That's not a joke either.

I label that "stuff" as our "study time" on the wipey board every morning.  Once we make it through our stuff/studies once in the morning, we move on to other things and don't come back to it.  I know learning is taking place in the midst of laundry, meals, wii, laundry, errands, gymnastics, gamecube, laundry, and chasing Maddie home from the park because she got out.....................again.

But I feel like my kids need more than I can give when it comes to pushing them academically. 

So last weekend I put an email out to my homeschool moms group and asked for help.

 I don't always know when to ask for help though.  A few weeks ago, we had our first post-placement adoption interviews and Savannah woke up with an ear/eye infection.  I wasn't sure how to handle the day, and my sister-in-law texted me out of the blue asking to take a couple kids for the day to do school at her house.

That's a hug from God.

What a huge blessing--Marisa and Todd have no idea the impact they are making in our family and on my kids (I Cor 2:9 again) but they have continued to take 2-3 kids once or twice a week to help me out.

Two moms responded immediately to my email.  One mom doesn't even homeschool but offered her house, computers, and tutoring.  She already gave me a house key.  She has no idea (I Cor 2:9).

That's a hug from God.

Another mom emailed me today offering to take the kids to the park in the evenings to give me a little break.  And she invited us to their house for some "study time" with her boys tutoring my little boys and she helping with another one.  She has no idea (I Cor 2:9).

That's a hug from God.

This adjustment has been especially difficult for one of my kids so much so that we have needed extra support.  A counselor friend from church is coming along side helping that child grieve in a healthy way the loss of our old family.  SHE HAS NO IDEA (I COR 2:9).

THAT'S A HUG FROM GOD.

Another friend is taking two of my kids some each week and teaming them up with her kids so they can work on their Little Giant Steps program together.  What used to be such a difficult task for them is now fun and something they look forward to.  SHE HAS NO IDEA (I COR 2:9).

That's a hug from God.

So what am I learning from this?  Jeremy and I have looked at each other often and said, "There's no way we can do school at home....not long term.  There's just no way."  The thing that I am most struggling with, God is showing me there is a way.  We can't do it by ourselves.....at least not right now anyway.  His people, the Body of Christ, are coming along side us to help us do what we cannot do alone.

I'm doing Mindy Ferguson's pilot study on Moses right now and I filled out this chart this morning on what happened through the plagues in Egypt.  I saw with each plague how at first Aaron acts on behalf of Moses, then the Lord, and then by the 6th plague, Moses has the confidence and trust in God to carry out God's directions with boldness.  I feel like Moses right now in how he had so many objections at first to being the guy God had chosen, but God was gracious and affirmed patiently that Moses was the guy.

I have so many objections to homeschooling 7 kids right now--I don't want to do it, it doesn't always work, it's too hard, they need a better teacher, I need HELP right now.

So I have a lot of Aaron's around me to help.  And I am trusting God will graciously affirm what He wants for each of these kids in regard to school.

And the hugs I am getting right now feel like they come straight from Him.